“I never lose, either I win, or I learn!”


Those of you who know me will know that I am a big Conor McGregor fan. I know he is not everyone’s cup of tea, but I really do feel that, his outlook, the philosophies he lives by, and the way he conducts himself, and approaches life, make him a really good role model, certainly for me, and for a lot of other people too, I would imagine. One of his,​​ and John Kavanagh’s (his coach),​​ mantras is “We never lose, either we win, or we learn”. It’s something that I have incorporated into my therapy and found extremely helpful. In therapy,​​ as​​ in life, there are always ups and downs.​​ We often set out to do something, and find that either, we “fail” to do it completely, or we do it, but​​ we​​ fall short, “failing” to do it in the manner that we would deem acceptable or to the standard that we expect from ourselves. Whether this is in relation to a long-term aim, or just an every day task, I’ve always had a tendency to really focus on the negative,​​ and berate and chastise myself. I felt I needed to react​​ in​​ this way in order to motivate myself,​​ and to​​ ensure that I would​​ eventually achieve whatever task or goal I was attempting​​ to achieve. Rather than motivating me however, this would send me into a negative spiral, eroding my​​ self-esteem, and actually demotivating, and discouraging me, from pursuing and achieving what I had set out to achieve.​​ If I “failed” to achieve something, I would often take that to mean that, that was it! I had failed, and that meant I could never achieve that particular goal. By adopting Conor McGregor and John Kavanagh’s attitude towards these “failures”, I’m learning to deal with them in a different,​​ much healthier,​​ and more productive manner. Rather than viewing these instances​​ as negative events, a failure to achieve a goal or a “win”, they are positive learning opportunities.​​ I can take a step back and reflect. In doing so, I can come to understand, why, on this occasion, I did not succeed. Then, in a mindful way, I can gently pull myself back to the present moment, refocussing, and utilising the valuable knowledge and understanding I have gained, to adapt,​​ and​​ make whatever adjustments need to be made, to improve my chances of success on my next attempt. In doing so, I never “lose” of “fail”, because every one of these experiences/instances is, as I have said, a positive and valuable learning experience. It may not be the “win” that I had in mind, but it is its own​​ type of “win”, and a “win”, that ultimately, can be used to help me to move closer to the original “win” I had in mind.​​