Everyone knows, the Mafia originated in Sicily,
Or at least that’s what the history books, tell us all officially
However, the first real underworld, criminal
Was not established by humans, but rather by Cetaceans.
That’s right, before we had Mafioso, exclaiming, things like “Forget about it…or Why I oughta…”
There was a mob (Pod) already established, not on land, but under water,
Before Al Capone, and Lucky Luciano,
Mafiosi they spoke Whale, and not Italiano.
For years they’ve ruled the roost, run their operations, reigned supreme,
Without ever being noticed, never truly being seen,
Like true Mafioso in suits, suave, sophisticated
They hid their own cruel and violent acts, behind their laughing, giggling, soft, kind eyes,
Not a tell or hint of menace, could the best detective trace,
In their amicable, gregarious, and most angelic face.
Even to this day, they operate a most proficient ruse,
Free Willy and Shamoo, pawns in their subterfuge,
Movie after movie, crowd-pleasing stunt after stunt,
Cover up their nefarious activities, they’re their legitimate front,
For their Orca-nised crime, their Orca-strated attacks (Surely I can’t get another pun in, Orca-n I?)
Three in a row, huh! That must be a fluke?
They patrol their murky waters, spy-hopping, they “clock” and meticulously “work their patch”,
Those found foolishly lurking on it are soon to be
With a well-timed swipe they are stunned, in an instant by their tale
Then engulfed by one of their associates, a fellow mobster whale
Clinical, cold, emotionless, proficient, systematic in their kills
They teach their youngsters all their methods, swap notes, harness and hone their skills,
They play with their food, for the cruel kick, just for the thrill,
And a whale is only “made” family, after they’ve performed their own first kill
Tactical and cunning, knocking penguins of ice blocks with waves that they create,
Flipping sharks and inducing tonic immobility, drowning them and sealing their fate,
Regurgitating fish, to lure birds, which they then eat in one fast breach,
And stalking and ambushing young seal pups,
It’s all “business” of course, “It’s nothing poissonal!”
Whales, dolphns, fish,sharks, birds, penguins, rays etc.
No one is safe, no one spared from their predation,
Not even their fellow, whales, their own cousin cetaceans.
There are even rumours emerging, surrounding the death of the famous flipper,
Apparently they tossed him and ate him, like he was nothing but a kipper.
But these are mere allegations, that can’t be pressed further,
As they’ve all sworn a vow of
So though I know they’d prefer, to be addressed as Orcas,
Their clever PR attempt, to be seen as angels of the waters
I know the truth; I’m not falling for their act,
Their original name, “killer whale” was well
I wanted to let you all in, I felt that you ought to know,
About the mob that’s lurking in the waters, where on holiday you all go.
But I ask you keep this information, strictly to yourself, for if you don’t, that may be my last wish,
For if it gets out that I told you, I’ll surely be sleeping with the fish.